Predestination is not a biblical doctrine, because in God’s eternal love and mercy, He offered us freedom of choice – Jesus died for every one of us (not for a selected few), and the reason He had to die was to eradicate sin from the universe and to offer every person that ever lived eternal life in Him, so that we can be saved by His righteousness which is imputed and imparted to us if we accept it.
It is clear from scripture that every soul can turn to God and be saved – God doesn’t want any of us to die – as the verse below denotes.
Ezekiel 18:20-23 (KJV) The soul that sinneth, it shall die. The son shall not bear the iniquity of the father, neither shall the father bear the iniquity of the son: the righteousness of the righteous shall be upon him, and the wickedness of the wicked shall be upon him. But if the wicked will turn from all his sins that he hath committed, and keep all my statutes, and do that which is lawful and right, he shall surely live, he shall not die. All his transgressions that he hath committed, they shall not be mentioned unto him: in his righteousness that he hath done he shall live. Have I any pleasure at all that the wicked should die? saith the Lord GOD: and not that he should return from his ways, and live?
Romans 9:13 – the word “hate” in Hebrew is “Sane” (saw-nay) – it translates to thorn and a seed – which causes pain and should be avoided. The fact that Esau despised the covenant that God had made and His precepts, there was no more hope for Esau – Esau CHOSE to reject God, and even though God would have wanted him to turn from his wicked ways and be saved, it was ultimately Esau’s choice.
Read the below from the Spirit of Prophecy – Conflict and Triumph – it provides insight to the contrast between Jacob and Esau.
Esau and Jacob had alike been instructed in the knowledge of God, and both were free to walk in His commandments and to receive His favor; but they had not both chosen to do this. The two brothers had walked in different ways, and their paths would continue to diverge more and more widely. CC 71.3
There was no arbitrary choice on the part of God by which Esau was shut out from the blessings of salvation. The gifts of His grace through Christ are free to all. There is no election but one’s own by which any may perish…. Every soul is elected who will work out his own salvation with fear and trembling. He is elected who will put on the armor and fight the good fight of faith. He is elected who will watch unto prayer, who will search the Scriptures, and flee from temptation. He is elected who will have faith continually, and who will be obedient to every word that proceedeth out of the mouth of God. The provisions of redemption are free to all; the results of redemption will be enjoyed by those who have complied with the conditions. CC 71.4
Esau had despised the blessings of the covenant. He had valued temporal above the spiritual good, and he had received that which he desired. It was by his own deliberate choice that he was separated from the people of God. Jacob had chosen the inheritance of faith. He had endeavored to obtain it by craft, treachery, and falsehood; but God had permitted his sin to work out its correction…. The baser elements of character were consumed in the furnace fire, the true gold was refined, until the faith of Abraham and Isaac appeared undimmed in Jacob. 8Ibid., 207, 208.
Romans 9:15-16 – below Walter and Martin address in detail from 39:38 onwards.
Romans 9:17-18 – In the case of Pharoah, God “hardened Pharoah’s heart”. God gave Pharoah several chances to repent but as a result of Pharoah’s rebellion and rejection of truth, Pharoah hardened his own heart – God places us in situations where we are confronted with choices, we can accept or reject God.
Romans 9:20-22 – God knows what is best for us – he will mold us (as in the case of the “potter” analogy) as He sees fit. Every person is approached and used differently by God to ensure that we are utilized optimally for His glory and for the saving of souls. Again, we have freedom of choice, we can choose to reject His ways or accept – this verse states that His mercy is everlasting, and if we reject Him, the path that we lead will result in utter destruction. Paul also tells us that God uses some of us to glorify God by being honored and He uses some of us to glorify God through our suffering. For example, Elijah honored God by being taken into heaven in a chariot of fire. John the Baptist honored God by being beheaded in a lonely prison cell. Did God love Elijah more than John the Baptist? No way! Is Elijah the only one of the two who are eternally saved? Not at all! Both are saved, but one the Potter used as a jar for decoration, while the other was used as a garbage jar. Both have their part in the big picture of salvation. Both are dearly loved by God. Romans 9:14-24 is making the point that God honors some and “dishonors” others to save the entire world.
Below is an excellent episode on The Character of God and the doctrine of Predestination – Conflict and Triumph series. I suggest that you watch this for context and then watch the clips I have further sent below for more clarity on your question.
Below Walter and Martin discussed predestination (from 40:30 onwards) – they also dive into what Wesley (one of the reformers) had to say about this.
Another short video on predestination (not really addressing Romans 9, but a good overview) by Walter Veith and Randy Skeete.
It all comes down to our decisions and faith – if we know His character and we believe in His mission, we will never doubt His way for us but rather encourage Him to do whatever it takes to change us into His image and, through us, save lives for His glory.